A Donor Sister's Thoughts on the U.S. Transplant Games
In 1999, my brother Paul died from massive head injuries after a terrible car wreck. He waited for me, the last family member, to arrive at the hospital before he finally let go. As you can imagine, we were heart-broken, stunned and along with that, we were immediately faced with a very an important decision. But we wouldn't know how important until years later.
A nurse led us into a room where she gently told us that Paul had signed the back of his license, but in all cases, the family has the last say when it comes to organ and tissue donation. Fortunately for us, Paul had previously discussed this issue with my sister and my dad, saying that he wanted the doctors to use whatever they could use for whatever purpose. We said yes, and our lives changed forever.
Because Paul's injuries were all head related, he was able to donate 5 organs and some healthy tissue also. We expressed to the National Kidney Foundation that we were willing and hopeful to meet the recipients if they agreed, and amazingly, less than a year later, we wrapped our arms around a preacher named Larry - father of 5 girls - and felt Paul’s heart beat against us once again. It was breath taking. And in those moments, much of our grief turned to purpose and confirmed that which we already knew. Paul was as amazing in life as he is in death. We would later meet Francis, a wonderful and hysterical woman who received Paul’s liver! Only a year before, we had lost one of our own and already we had 2 new members to add to our family, and they were both such amazing people. Larry said that he never liked spicy food, but ever since he got Paul’s heart he craves it all the time. It makes sense - Paul used to eat jalapenos right out of the
jar. And Francis said she knew the moment she woke up that her liver belonged to a young man and that he must have had a great sense of humor because all her
friends and family found her so much funnier after the surgery. Paul was THAT guy - he always came up with the one-liners, always played the pranks and always wanted to make people laugh. Those gifts that Paul gave would only be the beginning in a long chain of gift-giving.
My mom immediately joined KODA (KY Organ Donation Affiliates) and began speaking whenever and wherever they invited her to tell her story. She also involved herself in the counseling of other grieving mothers. She found her calling. Not long after she joined KODA, she was in church when the preacher made an announcement to pray for one of the members who was on the transplant list waiting for a kidney. My mom said she immediately knew that she was a match. Not only was she a match, she was what they call a 'sister' match. It was successful and once again our family understood the true meaning of ‘giving’, and again, we remembered Paul.
I'm always bragging about how wonderful my mom is, but I don't think I truly understood the impact that she, my brother, and all those 'gift-givers' have had on the world until recently. I was invited to perform at the 2006 U.S. Transplant Games held in Louisville, KY. I had no idea that I would be singing to a crowd of over 8,000 people consisting of athletes - organ recipients, living donors (like my mom), and donor family and friends (like my family). The energy was incredible . . . unexplainable. It was the Opening Ceremony where all the members were paraded into Freedom Hall and there wasn't a dry eye in the place. We were all there, remembering all we had lost and how much more we have gained. It was an emotional overload of love and gratitude that just leaked from every soul in the room. There were no strangers and no judgments - just the humbleness of knowing that this is a good day.
This was my first time at the Games and my first experience among people who share in my story. I found it so comforting. Whenever I've shared my story about
Paul before, people always say things like "I'm sorry", "That's terrible". And though it can be uncomfortable, I understand why they say these things - I say them too - it’s appropriate. But at these Games, when I said, "my brother died in a car wreck and he's a donor" these kind people, every one of them, looked me square in the eye and with the utmost sincerity said, "Thank you. - I'm a recipient." It floored me every time. Even though they weren't carrying Paul’s organs, specifically, they always said ‘thank you’ because they knew that someone had died and enabled them to live. That's a hard thing to have to deal with. That’s a hard thing to comprehend - the range of emotions that were flooding through me was almost too much. There was no one person's pain that was any greater than the others. It was just a time to gather together and share our stories - stories from the past, happenings of the present, and talks of future opportunities because there is such a thing as a 'second chance'. My brother gave that chance. My mother gave that chance. And I will give that chance – why not?
The reasons I tell this story is to once again remember Paul and thank him again for bringing such joy to our lives in life and death and to spread awareness. I've heard many reasons why people decide not to donate their organs - to each their own. But I do want to tell you that whatever your reason, remember this: My brother’s time was up – yours will come too. The ones you leave behind will inevitably hurt - but there really can be healing and a sense of purpose and compassion that they've never known. We had no idea that because of one little choice he made, so much joy and fulfillment would come to our lives.
So sign the back of your driver’s license, and most importantly, make it known to your family and friends that your wish is to be an Organ and Tissue Donor. You can't take those organs to heaven – besides, heaven knows we need 'em here.
Because of Love,
Marie
